OK....... So.

A lot of stuff has happened. BAD STUFF! BUT I DON'T CARE! I'm in a good mood! WOOOO.

Ich LIEBE Kuchen und Klumpen . "I LOVE cake and nuggets" <- that one's for Ginelle. We need to hang out this week! That would be super.

I've been feeling a lot better lately, and I'm waiting for the snow to melt so I can get out and play some basketball. That's about it.

Oh, I'm kicking ass at Genji: Dawn of the Samurai. Latest viedogame love. OUTLOOK: GOOD.

Course selections, hrmm. I'm pretty well set, I just need one extra elective incase I fail any of my courses this semester. (which I probably wont.) Basically, I'm coming back for fun. WEIRD. I'm definately taking World Religions and German. Probably Art too. I'm not sure if I'm coming back for a whole year, or not. Maybe. It would be fun to be in my younger friends' graduating class. :D

I'm a bit apprehensive about my psyche appointment, but I've been doing better lately, so.. I've nothing to fear but fear itself I suppose.

Wizard of Oz was fantastic, aside from prop goofs with some of the actors. Oh well! The thank-you cards were nice, along with the EESS lanyards the office gave us. The shirts were great too! Good memories. I definately want one of the giant rainbowish flags! I wonder what they'll do with the props. Maybe they will sell me one. good memories! lol.

I want to beat Silent Hill 4 this week. That game gives me the heebie jeebies! Exciting!

That's about all.

----Carol

somewhere over the rainbow

My goodness, I'm very much excited about The Wizard of Oz!

:O

RE: Fuckage

Let me just blog something before I respond to your monster post.

Stress fucking sucks. I just had the most god-awful, stress\illness induced dream.. It seemed so 'out of my league.....' I got up at 9.30.. slept in... I almost screamed.. I scared my mom, I think.. and it wasn't one of those illogical videogame-induced dreams, which aren't really all that bad, but this was extremely.... obscure.. yet so real... When I got up, I was convinced it was at least 2pm... I don't feel like discussing it where anyone can read.. Let's just say that I'm so grateful, even beyond words, to be alive right now, so grateful to life in a house, to have what family I do, to be able to go to school, to live life and be free of terror.. for now. moving on...............

OK.

what I may say right now may not seem right, probably because i'm in such a strange state.. and I mean all of this in a very loving way when I say this.

Everyone has problems. I know, it seems like your'e the only one with such huge problems, and nobody could possibly understand, but.. chances are, they do, and they would, if they could. I have to tell this to myself all of the time, because I'm so convinced that no one else would even begin to understand the magnitude of my problems. Sure, we all have situation-specific problems, but the better we understand, the better.... we understand..

look, I'm coming to you from my most humble place.. You are an amazing person. You don't need all of this bullshit in your life, and you most certainly didn't ask for it.This is beyond your control. ever heard the 'bad things happen to good people' thing? yeah. I think that should be changed to 'bad things happen to good people, but karma really kicks bad people's asses if you wait long enough' .. if that makes any sense.

'I'm always so mad at the state the world is in, and the feelings of helplessness to change that. It makes me so sad, but I feel their isn't anything that I can do, and that makes me angry.'
your fuckin right. it pisses everyone off. It seems really hopeless, but entire world is not your responsibility. I had to tell myself that damn-near constantly during 'world issues' and 'confronting the past'...... those classes were really depressing.

It's only a month or so.. It may seem like hell-on-earth until then, but start a countdown if you have to! something .. to take your mind off of the current shit-at-hand.

'There's also other things going on, but I'm not telling anyone, if all goes as plans, I will take my secrets to my grave, or keep them to myself for a very, very long time. I don't have the courage to tell anyone. So, sorry.' well............. did you kill someone? It couldn't be that bad.. (your'e probably laughing at my sheer ignorance and stupidity, right now.. butr if that's how you prefer it.. ) I don't really have advice for that, as we all have our dark secrets \ things we hide from the world.


Just wanted people to know, if anyone reads this. I don't want to talk about it in person. I don't want to cry in front of people, or add to the drama in other people lives, when they have gone through a lot more than myself. No need to worry about me, I'll be fine.

you know very well that I'm pretty much the only person that reads this, you could have adressed this to me. People's life experiences are incomparable. I absolutely detest the 'I have gone through more bullshit than you have' game, which people I used to know (and thankfully are out of my life and I never have to see thier faces again) used to pull on me whenever I tried to help them, making them seem like tragic souls.. Your'e not 'adding drama' to my life when you ask for help.I feel good, when you feel good. I mean, sometimes people just have way too much crap of thier own and they need help. and to that end, I have a therapist.... so I don't have to talk to anybody that sees me on a regular basis about things such as that.

P.S. My friends, you're so nice to me, I don't deserve it...
why don't you deserve it? you've been through more shit than tons of people. You do deserve it..... I hate arguing the obvious..

i'm done. i don't feel like writing anymore.

Fuckage

Ya, things have gone downhill. FAST.

I've been very irritable lately. I don't get enough sleep because I keep myself up thinking about pointless things, and then I'm angry at every little thing in the morning and just burst out crying if something small happens that used to never effect me.

I'm always so mad at the state the world is in, and the feelings of helplessness to change that. It makes me so sad, but I feel their isn't anything that I can do, and that makes me angry.

I've also found out why I'm always saying that I'm stupid. It's so that I can get reassurance from my peers that I'm not. I'm so dependent on other people, so indecisive, I feel like I can't do anything.

My home life isn't very good, it's getting tougher and tougher everyday, and it will for the next month and a half, and then hopefully everything will be better. I can't wait until it's all over, and we can start a new life, far away from these horrible memories.

The good memories were all the illusions of my blissfully ignorant young mind. My dad was always an ass, right from the start. Why do most men in my life have to be such ass holes?

My dad, it still hurts to see him sad though. I feel so bad when I ask him for anything, like for him to buy me something, because it feels like I'm using him because he's trying to win us over by buying us stuff, but it's not going to work. It's like one minute I hate him, and then the next I feel guilty.

There's also other things going on, but I'm not telling anyone, if all goes as plans, I will take my secrets to my grave, or keep them to myself for a very, very long time. I don't have the courage to tell anyone. So, sorry.

Just wanted people to know, if anyone reads this. I don't want to talk about it in person. I don't want to cry in front of people, or add to the drama in other people lives, when they have gone through a lot more than myself.

No need to worry about me, I'll be fine.

P.S. My friends, you're so nice to me, I don't deserve it...

I want this all to be over....

I don't want to be in this house.
This cold shelter, I want to go "home".

Think about it... I don't really wanna talk about it, just been thinking about the phrase "I want to go home" and thinking it even when I'm at my own house.

Shit happens, eat cheese. I wish it was that easy.

I'm FREEEE~!

Yes, you heard it, I'm free~! FREE FROM THE METAL CONFINDS THAT ARE BRACES~! WHOOOOOOOO~!

So ya, happy happy joy joy~! Yesterday = good. Braces go "byebye", Hair goes "byebye" sortof, and "We :heart: Katamari" = MINE~!

That game is so messed up, but I love it... but I'm not very good at it... oh well. I'm not very good at video games anyways, and yet I love them so... Probubly because they are on super f-ing easy XP

So, being free feels so good and so wierd. Being able to eat an apple without cutting it, or not having to picking food out of my braces for hours, it's so nice n_n


GAH~! SO HAPPY~! RAWR~!

A PROUD MEMBER OF UFAN

yay nukezooone.

Scott is the leader!!

Juhachi is Admiral of the First Squadron UFAN Vessel 1st Brigade 1st Division.

Gde ya mogu kupit' bileti shtob vibratsa iz etovo zamerzhshovo ada??

hahaha, I definitely think that you are on drugs, and so does my mom and everyone else's mom.

I'm 99.8% truthful... sometimes you gotta be nice.


[
your worth more then half price...

i know, but you get 1\2 price discount

your worth more then full price

lol.
]

"sorry, I had to let the dog out" is not a metaphor